Let’s Try This Again

 

Not working.  I put it out there and it didn't work. 

Which is 100% my fault.

Here's what happened.  It got late and I got frustrated and tired and couldn't make myself do it.  Sometimes I look back at when I was really consistent with training and romanticize that it was easy and I had no issues with getting it all in.  So I imagine it should be that way now too.  But it wasn't and it isn't now.  It is HARD to make yourself training a lot.  Heck, it is hard to make yourself train a little.  It takes a lot of mental attention and stamina and accountability. 

So I need to try harder and that's what it comes down to.

Putting it Out There

This is really exciting for me to post twice in one week so I'm going to go ahead and do it.

I am having problems getting back into the groove of running. After having last week off I am finding it tough. Plus, I still feel a little sick. Plus, I haven't been sleeping well. Plus, I am really busy at work. Plus, I just ate a box of Triscuits for dinner. I know I know, I suck.

Today was supposed to be my revival but all of the above factors stopped me short and here I am at 8:00 p.m. getting ready to go to bed. With no miles under my belt. So I'm going to try to give myself some slack and give it til tomorrow to get started. I can still complete my good workouts in the remaining days of the week. So....here is my plan:

M = bikram (done)

T = nada

W = 9 mile tempo

Th = 5 easy

F = 10 miles

Sa = 4 easy

Su = 17 miles

(Did I just type 17 miles. Shite. What have I gotten myself into??)

I was thinking today about the marathon and for the first time I was like, I can't believe I ran that fast. Cause I can't! Right now that is so far away and my body is no where near that right now. I guess it gives me a little hope to know I have potential but it is still kind of depressing.

I mentioned above that work is really busy right now. I hate to sound like a broken record but I am trying to make it work out for me. I think my job is pretty interesting but there are a lot of politics and some of the people I have to deal with just totally suck. Over the past few months the workload has picked up considerably and there are a lot of things happening at the same time. A lot of stuff to keep up with. I'd rather focus on this than have to deal with shitheads with low IQs. I've gone through a couple of hard bouts but have been managing to bounce back. I guess I'll keep up with this cycle until it gets the best of me. I'm researching some other ideas that I will share with you today

• SAHM (need kids 1st)
• elementary school teacher
• letterpress craftswoman
• antiques dealer
• yoga instructor

This is not all inclusive, so let me know if you have any ideas! As for the teacher part, it is something that just hit me recently. I haven't had a lot of time to really digest it or talk w/my teacher friends about it though, so let me know your experiences on teaching if you have them.

My hair has been on my mind a lot lately, perhaps because of its proximity to my cerebellum but more likely that I think it is trying to asphyxiate me in my sleep. It is really long. It is become a pain to comb through when wet and really a pain when I run and there is any precipitation. I am going to do locks of love which basically means a big chop which I think will be pretty liberating. Strangely though I had a revival of love with my locks last weekend and think I'll keep them around for a while. It is kind of fun to have something extra to toss around and drape all over my torso. Of course my desired cut is like Heidi's but will be a tough blow when I come out still looking like me.

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(Some recent pics above post-run and the gnarly knot resulting from the hair + moisture. Can someone who uses blogger please tell me why when I post pictures, they always are placed at the top of the post and are really hard to drag and drop into the desired location? I can't copy/paste anything either, including the pics. And, when I upload a pic it takes anything I've already typed and makes the spacing different, like 10 line breaks inbetween each paragraph. It really chaps my ass and if you have any advice or solution I'd be forever grateful [and so would my ass]. I'm running on IE 8 if that makes a dif.)

Is it time?

I figured I should check in here. Lately I've been feeling a bit off balance and thought a little touch base/writing was in session for me.

(This is likely going to be a ramble.)

Let's start backwards. Today was my 2nd annual Vancouver Lake Half marathon. I didn't finish the race, in fact I didn't even start it. Monday I woke up starting to feel sick and within a matter of hours I was sick, exhausted and miserable. This wasn't a quick one - it lasted quite strong through Thursday, then has been tapering off since, but not quickly. I never get sick and was miserable. I have no tolerance for it and had a really rough week. I feel my decision to not run at all this week was wise and I'm ready to get started again. It sucks that I had to take a week off but it is what it is (IIWII).

I am having issues with my job. Surprise! Things had been going relatively well for about a month and my projects are really starting to take off and I'm actually enjoying it a lot. I have a lot more responsibility this year and actually feel comfortable with it. Great! Not sure how to say this indirectly, but I'm having some people issues at work. And it really got to me on Friday - I ended up sobbing away most of my afternoon all alone at home. Things happened at work and in my already weakened state I just lost it. Luckily I work from home but I am still not happy it had to come to this. I don't want to have one person cause me to leave my job but I am seriously considering it. However, I'm not ready for a career change, scared of it all and not sure what to do. It is a real big bummer. I wish more than anything I had the cushion to take a year off and do whatever I wanted - travel, take classes, volunteer, etc. I just don't think I can do that, plus even if I could live off of Josh I'd feel pretty guilty. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness anymore, however, so something will need to change. It is making me super depressed.

Training! Guess what? I'm training to run the f'ing Boston Marathon. I set up a 16-week training program that I started the week of xmas. I'd been sailing along very smoothly not missing any runs and do a good amount of cross training. Then last week I didn't feel right, skipped an 8 mile tempo run, bounced back briefly, then ended up getting sick. Another bummer! I am hoping that by Tuesday I am totally back on and okay, although I am definitely still a little sick and not 100%. Training in the winter is really tough - little daylight, shitty weather and low motivation. I plan to push through it.

Next weekend I will travel for 9 days, going to Chicago, Wisconsin (briefly) for work, then Boston to see my sister and my new baby niece - Eleanor. I am soooo happy to get to see everyone but also a little scared about what the travel will do to my motivation and drive to get in my runs. The 17 miles I have scheduled next Sunday is going to be ROUGH to do in Chicago, esp if the weather is cold and I'm uber hungover. Once I get to Boston I'm looking fwd to running along the race route some and getting many miles in. I guess I'll just have to allow myself to be a little flexible and not be disappointed if I miss some workouts.

Going back to the work thing one obvious question to consider is when am I going to start popping out babies. I've been thinking about it a lot. Part of me thinks I NEED TIME but part of me is really starting to feel that desire. I don't think there will necessarily ever be a "perfect" time to start a family, but I do need to think through it (and of course consult my husband on it too). I can see myself being a GREAT stay at home mom....so who knows.

Leaving you with a pic of me with my dad at my post wedding BBQ. I love this picture. The picture at the top of the post was last night having sushi - my first venture outside for days...can you tell that I'm happy to be alive? Yes, I may be pasty and gauntish but I'm outside! (BTW, my hair is a rats nest and going to locks of love as soon as possible.)

Have a great one.....eedo

Things I want to write about:

1. 2009 recap
2. 2010 intentions/goals/motto
3. Marathon training (just started again!)
4. Specific run/workout recaps
5. Goals for the week
6. My career
7. Pictures
8. Travel

But I can't because I'm lazy and just not feeling it. Someday and somehow I will get this out there to the universe.

Biyee