Sunday, January 24, 2010

Is it time?


I figured I should check in here. Lately I've been feeling a bit off balance and thought a little touch base/writing was in session for me.

(This is likely going to be a ramble.)

Let's start backwards. Today was my 2nd annual Vancouver Lake Half marathon. I didn't finish the race, in fact I didn't even start it. Monday I woke up starting to feel sick and within a matter of hours I was sick, exhausted and miserable. This wasn't a quick one - it lasted quite strong through Thursday, then has been tapering off since, but not quickly. I never get sick and was miserable. I have no tolerance for it and had a really rough week. I feel my decision to not run at all this week was wise and I'm ready to get started again. It sucks that I had to take a week off but it is what it is (IIWII).

I am having issues with my job. Surprise! Things had been going relatively well for about a month and my projects are really starting to take off and I'm actually enjoying it a lot. I have a lot more responsibility this year and actually feel comfortable with it. Great! Not sure how to say this indirectly, but I'm having some people issues at work. And it really got to me on Friday - I ended up sobbing away most of my afternoon all alone at home. Things happened at work and in my already weakened state I just lost it. Luckily I work from home but I am still not happy it had to come to this. I don't want to have one person cause me to leave my job but I am seriously considering it. However, I'm not ready for a career change, scared of it all and not sure what to do. It is a real big bummer. I wish more than anything I had the cushion to take a year off and do whatever I wanted - travel, take classes, volunteer, etc. I just don't think I can do that, plus even if I could live off of Josh I'd feel pretty guilty. I don't want to sacrifice my happiness anymore, however, so something will need to change. It is making me super depressed.

Training! Guess what? I'm training to run the f'ing Boston Marathon. I set up a 16-week training program that I started the week of xmas. I'd been sailing along very smoothly not missing any runs and do a good amount of cross training. Then last week I didn't feel right, skipped an 8 mile tempo run, bounced back briefly, then ended up getting sick. Another bummer! I am hoping that by Tuesday I am totally back on and okay, although I am definitely still a little sick and not 100%. Training in the winter is really tough - little daylight, shitty weather and low motivation. I plan to push through it.

Next weekend I will travel for 9 days, going to Chicago, Wisconsin (briefly) for work, then Boston to see my sister and my new baby niece - Eleanor. I am soooo happy to get to see everyone but also a little scared about what the travel will do to my motivation and drive to get in my runs. The 17 miles I have scheduled next Sunday is going to be ROUGH to do in Chicago, esp if the weather is cold and I'm uber hungover. Once I get to Boston I'm looking fwd to running along the race route some and getting many miles in. I guess I'll just have to allow myself to be a little flexible and not be disappointed if I miss some workouts.

Going back to the work thing one obvious question to consider is when am I going to start popping out babies. I've been thinking about it a lot. Part of me thinks I NEED TIME but part of me is really starting to feel that desire. I don't think there will necessarily ever be a "perfect" time to start a family, but I do need to think through it (and of course consult my husband on it too). I can see myself being a GREAT stay at home mom....so who knows.

Leaving you with a pic of me with my dad at my post wedding BBQ. I love this picture. The picture at the top of the post was last night having sushi - my first venture outside for days...can you tell that I'm happy to be alive? Yes, I may be pasty and gauntish but I'm outside! (BTW, my hair is a rats nest and going to locks of love as soon as possible.)

Have a great one.....eedo



3 comments:

Rachel said...

Laco of motivation in winter is no joke. I'm having a super rough time and I live in Texas so I'm not even sure I can appropriately claim "winter". Congrats on Boston and good luck!

the gazelle said...

I'm sorry you were sick but I hope you are feeling better!

Wow - you are contemplating a lot of big life stuff! I, too, wish I could take a year to figure stuff out (finish school, run, garden) but that is not going to happen any time soon!

I think if you just remember that IIWII during your travel/training you'll be fine! Good luck with your week and your upcoming travels.

Alisa said...

I got a bug too right after Xmas and it lingered for awhile. I hope yours goes away and stays away. Load up on VitC for the travel, airplane germs are the worst =)!

Have a great time in Boston--I miss that city.

I wish I could take a year off to figure things out too. I had a mini freak out moment this morning, also work people issues--BLAH!

Let's plan another dinner/wine night...maybe on a night I don't care if I'm hungover the next day =).