Donkey Kong

LISTEN, WHILE ARE YOU ARE OUT WITH YOUR PORTABLE TOASTERS GETTING READY FOR RACING...

I've been hobnobbing with Felicity.

Ahhh, isn't she lovely? I hate to break it to you but hello, today was probably the best day of my life. I am probably going to gain a celebrity friend out of this and possibly lose 5 pounds a maybe get my Masters degree. (Not that I care about advanced education. But still, if you're gonna hand it to me on a silver platter - fine!)

I went to the hippy hairy Portland Farmers Mkt today and sat down to enjoy a hangover breakfast burrito while watching the cute young family get situated next to me. I thought wow, this chick looks just like Keri Russell, then within 1.2 seconds I realized it was her. Lucky for me...or so I think...

Let's start off by saying: I would be horrible at living in Los Angeles. Every time I see a celebrity it talk about it til I am about to asphyxiate and NO ONE CARES. Ok, so anyway, I have actually had encounters with a potpourri of celebs. Here is my roundup:

• Heather O'Rourke
• Tom Skerrit
• Lara Flynn Boyle
• Etc (Poltergeist III variety)
• Derek Jeter
• John Cusak
• Michael Jorden
• Just Jack
• Billy Zane
  
• President Obama
• Rod BlaGOY a vitch
• Tom Cruise
• Jack Kennedy
• Princess Di
• Napoleon
• Napoleon Dynamite
  

Ok, the last 7 I made up, except Rod. He walked past my office at the Heart Association in Chicago with a strange entourage of security. Hello, you're the gov of Illinois - is there any need for this? Weird shit. It was a press conference for him to say it was bad for high school athletes to take speed. Hey, why not tell them to not drink while you're at it? I'm sure they're listening.

I think celebrities are stupid and I hate their lives but I still can't stop reading US Weekly and the whole song/dance. Why? What is wrong with me?

So after all of this obsession I'm sitting next to the dear sweet Keri Russell and I'm debilitated. I mean, if reading the mags is JV then this should be the state tournament right? But instead I'm all "must text msg everyone I know" which btw is NO ONE anymore. I even sent a msg to my BFF from college with whom I watched every fucking god damn episode of Felicity. Even that stupid we're all in a box under the witch's bed season.

And 14 hours later she still hasn't written me back. The only excuse for this is that she's camping but that is 1000% impossible so now I'm pissed.

I got home and did the appropriate google and found out there is a Harrison Ford/Branden Fraser/Keri Russell film being shot in Portland over the next couple of months. Jackpot!

So bottom line is that I'm clearly going to be seeing Felicity on a daily basis until this thing wraps. What are my opening lines? How do we become besties so I can show her everything I know about Portland and womanhood and in exchange she gives me Scott Speedman deets. (Sorry Josh but I would probably leave you for Speedman, thanks!)



HELP!

Oh yeah, today was also the best day ever. I did my first bike ride ever (ish) and it rocked. Portland had a thunderstorm which is as unheard of as a celebrity here. And then hail. I experienced it all from the most perfect vantage point ever (hint: its a BAR). More (and when I say more I mean pictures and lots of words) later. OH yeah, and I drank a shitload of beer which has lead me to this post. Sweet! I take credit for nothing! How do I delete this tomorrow?